TOASTING TOASTING 1..2...3 Am sure ur wondering why am trying to give u a lecture on how to toast i should be talking about thingsof a more festive nature shey..na u sabi. Lets just sey am looking ahead...i know most of yawl dont want any yeye boi or yeye girl right now cause u dont want anyone making excessive demands like "take me to silverbird! take me to the palms! take me to city mall...i resemble ur papa!...ur papa don take u go there first!..oloju ko ko ro.Anyways am just trying to look ahead..u know next year...this is more like how not to toast a girl and how to toast a girl.. First of all those fools that don't know it's disrespectful to just walk up to a chic on the road and hold her hand and sey "hey baby!"...hells no..where do i know ur hand is coming from...for all i know u might have an unholy alliance with ur balls...and when i fall ur hand u'll start saying "you no even fine sef"....shey u get apolo for eye the time u grab my hand.U no even see as u be sef....u never go check top 10 worwor list sey u dey untop alongside shrek and obasanjo...idiyoot!!!....ok i agree i no fine...but i still dont want ur leprechaun looking ass touching me okay..It's very wrong and disrespectul when u didnt see her on allen road..One money miss road like this was parking his car and wanted to grab my hand...i was like "wetin go cause all that one"...if 2 sey i get small acid for bag now...na another story we go dey talk...one day when u hold nneka the pretty serpent and ur hand no gree comot..na then u go know.. Dey look face- now when u see a girl dress like she fought with a rainbow...colour colour..dey do spe spe ....twisting waist..make up and all...dressig scandalously...don't approach her(not because she's any higher than u) but cause u urself know the kind of guys she likes...u know sey she don already use her x-ray eyes scope the two ten naira's wey dey ur pocket..why do u want to embarass urself...find someone who u know doesn't have her eyes up in the sky...cause when u approach her and she shoves u into gutter u'll be lamenting... Dont be calling a girl from afar like how u call a dog shouting like a maniac...."siiiiiii, sister sister!...if u can't walk up to her and talk like a normal human being then just fashi...its embarassing...its annoying and its not just nice. Now girls like confidence...like a guy that can walk up to her and say "hey what's up,i've been chasing u from maryland(na lie o). to V.I..i saw u before u boarded that bus and even though i have an important meeting i just had to meet u.And boy are u worth the trouble.And me whenever i want something i always go for it and baby i want you"..lol... you'll see how she'll just start blushing like an ode...well it depends sha...if u resemble cricket she can just hiss and walkaway but if u be fine boi....it's all over.Yes as sad and shallow as it is,looks matter at times.But sometimes confidence can be so sexy looks don even matter so it's worth the try... Or u can do lil romantic things..request her favorite song when she's listening...just be creative..I know certain naija guys wont know romance if it gave them a flying drop kick...but just think outside the box. oh yeah another nice way is sending a friend..a.k.a(machinery)..i honestly think its a compliment cause if u think about it the dude is in such awe of u that he couldnt even come himself.Although some girls might think it's wimpy and he lacks confidence so it has its advantages and disadvantages..It happened to me once but instead i acted like a total doufuss...i was feeling like some hotshot..cause i dismissed the guy he sent...and i shouldnt have spoken to him like that..if elt bad afterwards and apologised sha...i was angry the guy he sent was hotter than him sha..i think i just saw him briefly but if i pass him today i can't recognise him..but he'll be like thats the bitch i told i liked that dissed me...am sorry o! oh the "text admirer thingie"....go thru the pains of getting her number from a friend of hers and finding out some things that she likes (like looking for expo to her heart)and sorta start flirting all the fone...including some of things u've found out about her.It'd be sweet.And then u guys arrange to meet when u feel uv finally goten to know each other a tad bit better... Arrghh!!! sometimes i wish i was a boy. there's another annoying things guys do,they'll stand one place and when u pass they'll make a comment. Like usually when i walk around there's always someone that'll say "i like ur height"...and ill say thank u but in my mind ill be like "ehn be liking it now"....like is that all u got...or "I like big girls" and just walk away....if u want to toast..toast!! stop making side comments up and down. As for me if u really want to impress me, u just have to humiliate urself a lil,if u just see me anywhere just break into justin timberlake's song "i can see us holding hands,walking on the beach........" and start dancing to it.Not caring who's looking or how stupid u look then and then and i swear i'll just be folowing u...ill even throw my celibacy vow out the window..lol..yeah right....i know someone people are doind waka to me now saying "shey i wan marry u"...duz are my terms o...if u no like am...carry urself comot..afterall there are many fishes in the sea.. Now some chicks don't need to much toasting...u can always get ur fly ass car...and sprinkle a couple of dollars on ur car seats and stop when u see her on the road...she'll just get in...no questions asked... well to be serious the key is just to be CREATIVE,CONFINDENT and remember rejection is not the end of the world...It hurts like a muda...but we all need a lil rejection once in a while...lol...happy toasting in 2007! | 
